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Torchwood: Exorcise The Demons (Fanfiction)

Exorcise The Demons

Series: Lyrics 'Verse
Word Count: ~ 1.800
Summary: ”I can accept that the person you once were isn't important but the person you are right now – he's important. And he came back broken and I don't know why.”
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Michael Bellini (hinted), Ianto/Lisa Hallett (hinted)
Rating: PG
Spoiler: Cyberwoman, End Of Days, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Novel: Trace Memory / Doctor Who: Utopia, The Last Of The Time Lords
Setting: after Trace Memory
Beta: larsinger29, thank you.
Disclaimer: I’m not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show Torchwood and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

Lyrics 'Verse Masterlist
I'll Stay Awake For You


***
***


I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
(Undisclosed Desires by Muse)



“Would you really have accepted it?” Jack asked, speaking for the first time since he and Ianto had come home from the Hub. The air was filled with the spicy scent of a filling, warm dinner being prepared. Jack was relaxed, braces hanging down by his hips and his shirt sleeves pulled up to his elbow, in his hands a pack of pasta. He looked domestic and at peace and Ianto took a moment just to appreciate the view. After all, he knew it was just a mask.

Turning back to the sauce he was stirring, Ianto asked, ”Accepted what?”

”Me. And Michael.”

Ianto froze and turned to face Jack, looking at him earnestly. ”I don't own you,” he repeated the words he'd said to Jack earlier in the day … or had it been yesterday? God, he was tired!

”Ianto ...” Jack sighed in annoyance. ”What are you trying to prove?” He grimaced when he peeked into the pot and gently pushed Ianto aside. ”Aside from being a horrible cook. You have to stir it continuously or it's going to burn.”

Ianto crossed his arms. ”I'm not trying to prove anything, Jack. I'm just being realistic. You had lovers before me, you will have lovers after me ...”

Jack closed his eyes tight and Ianto paused, knowing he'd hit a nerve. Jack didn't like talking about the past and he liked even less to talk about the future. Living firmly in the present … Ianto guessed that was the only way he could handle his immortality.

Slowly, Jack said, ”But right now, we are dating. That means something to me.”

”Even though we haven't had sex yet?”

Jack gifted him with a smile that was a mix of shy and lewd. ”Well, I was hoping to change that by cooking you this really tasty meal, but now you've ruined it by burning the sauce.”

Ianto returned the smile.”I'm sorry.”

Jack shook his head, pulled Ianto closer an kissed him gently. Then he turned back to the sauce. ”I wasn't going to sleep with him. I lost Michael a long time ago. Seeing him … frankly, it was a shock but … I grieved already back in '67.”

”He meant a lot to you.”

”Yeah.” Jack looked at him. ”You mean a lot to me, too.”

Ianto nodded, knowing that already. It was true, they hadn't had sex yet but they'd dated several times since Jack was back and they'd slept together just as much – just sleeping, lying curled up together in Ianto's bed. It was strange and Ianto didn't quite know what to think about it but Jack wanted it, seemed to need it, so he complied. Slowly, the haunted look in Jack's eyes had faded away and his nightmares, though they were still bad, got less frequent. He still hadn't told anyone what he'd seen during his trip with the Doctor, but it must have been horrible. Tonight, Jack looked tired again. Michael's appearance had thrown him. Worried, Ianto put a hand on Jack's arm. ”How are you doing?”

”Fine.” Jack shrugged, giving the sauce all his attention. ”Alright.”

”You have less nightmares.”

Jack glanced at him with a grin. ”And you know that how exactly?”

Ianto turned to the cupboard and started setting the small table. ”We're sleeping in the same bed, remember?”

Jack paused, then continued stirring. ”I'm sorry.”

”For what?”

”Keeping you awake. I just ...” He hesitated. ”... need reassurance.”

Ianto let the silence hang for a minute, then he asked, ”What happened to you?”

”I can't tell you, Ianto. It's over, that's all that matters. The Doctor fixed it.” He sighed and dropped the spoon before turning to Ianto with a determined expression. ”I want to start anew. This time, properly. I had a choice. The Doctor offered me … he offered me everything and I decided to come back here. This is where I belong at the moment.” He paused, looking vulnerable all of a sudden. ”If you'll have me.”

Ianto smiled gently. ”Of course we do.” Jack's expression became shuttered and grim and he turned back to the stove abruptly. Ianto got the feeling that he'd said something awfully wrong. ”What?” he asked. ”What is it?”

”Nothing,” Jack answered.

”No. Talk to me.”

”I ...” Jack swallowed, then he turned to Ianto again, his hands on his hips. ”I … I wasn't talking about Torchwood, Ianto. Or about the team.” He stepped towards Ianto and stared at him intently, his blue eyes earnest, intense, catching Ianto's gaze and keeping it on him. ”This is where I belong at the moment.”

Ianto stared at him, understanding slowly dawning. ”This?” He glanced at his tiny kitchen, so simple and not worthy of someone who'd seen as much as Jack had. And yet, he was here, day after day, whenever the Rift allowed it. It was hard to understand sometimes, what Jack could see in this, in Ianto.

”Why else would I ask you for a date?”

Ianto swallowed nervously. He wasn't good at this. Talking about feelings. Lisa had sometimes teased him about it, other times she'd been annoyed. Ianto had tried to get better – for her – and he'd succeeded, but with her death, it was like he'd lost the ability to stay calm when his innermost emotions were about to be laid bare. ”I don't know. To change … to shake things ...” Ianto shook his head, avoiding Jack's eyes. ”I don't know.”

Jack's voice sounded … disappointed, maybe. ”This isn't a game to me. Dating.”

”I wasn't implying ...” Ianto closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. ”I was, wasn't I?”

”Is it a game to you?”

Ianto stared at him incredulously. ”Of course not! But Jack … you can hardly blame me. All we ever did was play around!” There it was. The reason he didn't know what to think about their dates, the reason why Jack's presence in his kitchen seemed so wrong. He ducked his head. ”All you ever did was not take this seriously.”

”Did you?”

Ianto looked up at him, meeting Jack's eyes. Now that he'd started, he wouldn't back down, wouldn't hold back. ”From the night after Lisa's death onwards, yes. I laid myself bare to you, Jack.” He turned away, fussing with the cutlery on the table. ”This isn't the first time I'm telling you this. Why do I have to tell you this again?” He turned back to Jack who was standing with his arms crossed, his face unreadable. ”So how is this supposed to work? Me opening up again, tell you everything and you keeping yourself closed off? Because I don't think I have to remind you that that's what went wrong the first time around.”

Jack stared at him. ”I sleep with you, Ianto. I let you see my nightmares.”

”We did that before. Me comforting you after nightmares, you comforting me ... but you never tell me what your nightmares are about or what brought them on. So what's different now?”

Jack avoided his eyes.

Ianto sighed. ”I need something, Jack. If you expect me to believe that you're serious about this, I need you to show me that you are taking this seriously.”

”You can't trust my word?”

Tiredly, Ianto sat on a chair. ”Your word is the problem, Jack. You keep secrets.”

Jack looked at him and Ianto felt like he had before Jack had left with the Doctor: always welcome in Jack's bed but not in his life. ”You expect me to tell you everything about me?”

”No, just … one thing.” He stared at him pleadingly and after a minute, it seemed to work.

Jack nodded. ”Alright.”

”I need to know … I really need to know what happened to you while you were with the Doctor.”

”Why?”

”Because it changed you and turned you into the person that wants a date with me and that turns down the Doctor of all people to stay with his team on a backwater planet in the 21st century. And don't say it's about me because I know it's about Gwen as well. And Owen and Tosh. And who knows who else.” Jack stared at the floor, not reacting, not giving away that he'd even heard Ianto. Ianto swallowed and got up, stepping closer. ”I know I can only ever scratch the surface,” Ianto whispered. ”You have a vast past and experiences that no one can cram into one lifetime and it's okay that you don't want to share them with me. I can accept that the person you once were isn't important but the person you are right now – he's important.” He bent his knees a bit to be able to see into Jack's eyes. ”And he came back broken and I don't know why.”

”Because I saw the end of the world as we know it,” Jack answered softly, his voice shaking. Then he raised his head and looked at Ianto. ”And the end of my world.” He swallowed. ”You died. All of you. And if it weren't for one woman, we wouldn't be standing here now.”

”Martha?” Ianto asked, remembering Jack whispering her name at night.

A tiny smile pulled up the corners of Jack's lips. ”The woman who walked the Earth.” Jack touched Ianto's cheek. ”In the end, the Doctor saved the world and all of you were okay. But for a few weeks … months ...”

”... we were dead?”

”I can't forget that.”

”It didn't happen but it happened,” Ianto muttered and framed Jack's face with his hands. He leaned in and kissed him and for the very first time since Jack had returned, he opened his mouth. Their tongues met slowly at first, hesitantly, and then Jack clutched Ianto to him, kissing him deeply, desperately. Ianto reluctantly broke away and turned off the stove. ”I'm not hungry,” he said, taking Jack's hand. ”Let's go to bed.”

”What about our date? My cunning seduction?”

Ianto smiled. ”Are you turning me down?”

Jack stared at him and his gaze was so intense that Ianto thought he'd done something wrong. Then Jack grinned. ”Never, Ianto Jones.” He leaned forward and kissed his lips. ”Never.”


END
08/12

No Room Left For Flight
Lyrics 'Verse Masterlist

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
vsee
Aug. 16th, 2012 12:18 pm (UTC)
I love stories that deal with this time/Year That Never Was, and this does not disappoint! Very nicely done. I really enjoy them having conversation.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 16th, 2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
jsks
Aug. 16th, 2012 01:36 pm (UTC)
i am glad that jack and ianto are having this talk.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 16th, 2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
I think they needed it. It's a shame that the series never really showed a resolution to Jack's experiences and their consequences.
teaboyfan
Aug. 16th, 2012 02:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you for keeping our Torchwood alive with your beautifully written and insightful stories. This conversation should have been canon.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 16th, 2012 03:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
badly_knitted
Aug. 16th, 2012 03:07 pm (UTC)
Intense and emotional, even though much of the emotion on both sides is repressed - or at least restrained - until the end. Jack's still trying to, in a way, shield Ianto from everything he feels Ianto doesn't need to know, but shutting him out all the time just makes him feel unimportant. It's about time they talked things through, even though it seems neither of them is very good at it.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 17th, 2012 07:41 am (UTC)
They certainly aren't very good at it. :) Thank you.
withywindle01
Aug. 16th, 2012 03:48 pm (UTC)
Fantastic!!!
jolinarjackson
Aug. 17th, 2012 07:41 am (UTC)
Thanks. :)
larsinger29
Aug. 16th, 2012 03:52 pm (UTC)
This just hits on all the right emotional notes. There's humor and sadness, heartache and hope. I love how you've pushed the characters to push each other. Ianto is both hesitant and challenging, showing how much of a rich and multifaceted character he is. And Jack shows how scarred and broken he is, but he overcomes his fears to solidify his relationship.

Really lovely job, my dear. This is so moving and enthralling.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 17th, 2012 07:42 am (UTC)
Thank you. :) Especially for your help.
sandysan2013
Aug. 16th, 2012 04:53 pm (UTC)
These two are so lucky to found each other. I doubt another partner could be so understanding. I loved this.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 17th, 2012 07:42 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
ldarkfire
Aug. 16th, 2012 08:09 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful, and I declare it my personal canon, (I can do that right?) ;P

The more you write in this verse the more I love it. Thank you so much.

^_^
jolinarjackson
Aug. 17th, 2012 07:43 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
nancybrown
Aug. 17th, 2012 02:21 am (UTC)
I like what you did here. Jack giving up a piece of himself is exactly where they are at this point.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 17th, 2012 07:43 am (UTC)
Thanks. :)
sammydragoncat
Aug. 17th, 2012 06:34 am (UTC)
Loved it, this is what should have happened on the show.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 17th, 2012 07:43 am (UTC)
Thanks. :)
lilferret
Aug. 18th, 2012 08:53 am (UTC)
They're both so broken. But when they're together they fit and make a whole.
jolinarjackson
Aug. 18th, 2012 08:57 am (UTC)
That's what I love about them. :)
dylantoms
Aug. 18th, 2012 05:48 pm (UTC)
Ooh so good :)
Such a very believable scene and dialogue.

Torchwood lives!
jolinarjackson
Aug. 19th, 2012 08:38 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
hab318princess
Sep. 22nd, 2012 01:44 pm (UTC)
great story
jolinarjackson
Sep. 22nd, 2012 02:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )