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Torchwood: Immortal (Fanfiction)

Immortal

Series: Lyrics 'Verse
Word Count: ~ 2.000
Summary: Jack took a deep breath, blinked, let the air escape. He was fine. He was okay. He was getting there.
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Spoiler: Audio: In The Shadows
Setting: after In The Shadows
Warnings: Mention of suicide, mention of partner betrayal, language
Beta: larsinger29, thank you!
Disclaimer: I’m not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show Torchwood and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

After All My Searching
Lyrics 'Verse Masterlist

***
***


All my rage and all my tears
All my laughter belongs to you, just you
'Cause you see me how I really am
Too fragile
You see me without my mask
Just with you, I can feel immortal
(Translated from German: Unsterblich by Luxuslärm)



The water surrounded him, choking him, making it hard to breathe and then impossible and he was trying to back away ...

… slamming into the tiled wall and dropping to the floor with a scared whimper escaping his lips, before he even realized that he wasn’t in Hell anymore, wasn’t drowning, wasn’t alone and lonely and heartsick … he was in Ianto’s shower. He was fine. He was safe.

Jack reached up and switched off the hot water, remaining huddled in the corner of the shower and wrapping his arms around his legs. He pressed his forehead to his knees and breathed deeply. He was tired. Tired enough to fall asleep under the shower, tired enough to immediately dream of that awful place, of his suicide …

”Jack?!” Ianto’s voice pulled him away from his memories and back to the shower, the steam billowing around him, the moist warmth of the bathroom. Jack took a deep breath, blinked, let the air escape. He was fine. He was okay. He was getting there. Again, Ianto's voice came through the closed door, a bit closer now. ”Jack, hurry up! I’m pretty sure dinner’s done.”

A tentative smile pulled at Jack’s lips.

Dinner, Ianto, home. This time for real.

He got out of the shower, quickly dried off and wrapped himself in Ianto's red bathrobe and joined Ianto in the kitchen. The small room was brightly lit, comfortably warm and smelled of chicken soup. Ianto was staring at a pot thoughtfully, stirring.

”Is the soup giving you a headache?” Jack asked. He took the spoon from Ianto, stirring the soup himself.

”Cooking is giving me a headache,” Ianto answered.

Jack pulled him close with one arm around his hips, planting a firm kiss on his lips. ”I appreciate that you’re trying it for me.”

”You said that before,” Ianto replied with a quirky smile.

Jack remembered and chuckled. He nuzzled along Ianto’s cheekbone and kissed the side of his nose. ”Well, I really did appreciate that you tried it for me.” His hand landed on Ianto’s arse, pulling him even closer. ”Really, really appreciated it.”

”All night, if I remember correctly,” Ianto said.

”There was a lot of appreciating to do,” Jack replied with a laugh. Ianto grinned at him, but there was a strain showing in the laugh lines around his eyes. It had been a hard few days for all of them. Jack felt memories sneak up on him, ready to pounce, and he quickly distracted himself by trying the soup. Only now did he realize how hungry he actually was. Even something as simple as a soup tasted like heaven. ”It’s good.”

”It came out of a can,” Ianto admitted.

Jack had thought as much. Ianto wasn't known for his cooking skills. Usually, when they spent the evening together, Jack did the cooking. ”You added herbs?”

”Yes.”

”Perfect.”

Ianto snorted. ”Far from it. You should try the soup they serve in that posh little French place in the city center. I was there with Tosh once. It’s really good.”

Jack raised and eyebrow and smiled teasingly. ”Are you asking me out on a date?“

”You asked first,” Ianto answered, pecking his lips and moving away. ”I'm still waiting to cash in.”

Somehow, that hurt. It was just a throw-away line, a joke, not meant earnestly, Jack knew. Ianto didn’t need dates and flowers and chocolates. What he needed was being touched, being intimate in more ways than just sexually, being close to someone. He didn’t show it at work and not a lot when he was alone with Jack, but Jack knew. Nevertheless, suddenly he felt deeply wounded as if Ianto had insulted him somehow. He turned his back on Ianto under the pretense of focusing on the soup, taking a few deep breaths.

”Ready?” Ianto asked.

Jack faked a bright smile. ”Ready.”

***

There was one essential thing people often didn’t get about Ianto. Jack had needed a while to really understand it as well. Before he did, he’d been proud of his seduction techniques, of the way he’d slowly and carefully eased Ianto into his bed, the way his touches and kisses made Ianto shiver and fall apart until there was nothing left but raw, open emotion.

People sometimes thought that Ianto was weak and subservient, the way he always seemed to walk a step behind Jack, always was ready to get the team whatever they needed, be it coffee, a snack or a proper clean-up operation. It was easy to see Ianto as a butler to the team, a personal assistant to Jack, an always available lover.

It was much more complicated than that, though, because there was in fact nothing anyone could make Ianto do … except for what he let them. He let the team come to him with small tasks far beneath his qualifications and he let Jack seduce him again and again, let him come closer than anyone before, let him take control when he needed it and let him lie back and relax when he wanted to. Ianto was strong, reliable and brave and there was just no way he would let Jack or anyone else use him in any way. Jack liked that about him. He liked the feeling that no matter what, he wasn’t taking advantage because Ianto wouldn’t let him.

Nevertheless, he began to doubt that now.

”Are you alright?” Ianto asked.

Jack looked across the kitchen table at him, slightly startled. ”Pardon?”

”I asked if you're alright.”

”Fine.”

”Because, you know, that story about Owen and the Weevil was supposed to make you laugh.”

Jack stared down on his empty bowl. ”I didn’t listen, sorry.”

Ianto nodded thoughtfully and put his spoon down. ”Stop saying you’re fine when you’re not. You had one hell of an experience.” He got up and started to clear the table.

Jack stayed seated and folded his hands. ”No pun intended?”

Ianto froze for a second and even though his back was turned, Jack could just imagine him mouthing “Fuck”, closing his eyes. He turned around to Jack. ”Sorry about that.“ He set the plates down on the counter and leaned back against it, his arms crossed. ”You want to talk about it?”

”Not much to tell,” Jack answered. ”I was alone, felt like a long time, committed suicide several times.”

Ianto looked conflicted, as if he wasn't sure if he should ask, but in the end, he did. ”There’s more.”

Jack avoided his eyes. ”Tosh and Owen were dead. I shot Gwen.”

“It wasn’t real.“

“I know that. Felt real at that moment, though.”

Ianto approached him and dropped an affectionate kiss on his head. Jack put his arms around Ianto’s waist and buried his face against his belly. The old t-shirt smelled of detergent and, faintly, of Ianto’s shower gel. ”It’s over,” Ianto said, carding fingers through Jack’s hair.

Jack sighed deeply. ”Thanks to you. You forgave me.“

“It wasn’t a big deal,“ Ianto replied and then chuckled. ”Kinda used to it.” He bent down to kiss Jack’s forehead and turned away to deal with the dishes.

Jack grabbed his wrist, feeling the need to say something that he hadn't been able to shake since he'd met the Ianto born in his Hell. ”You’re not little.”

Ianto looked at him questioningly. ”Pardon?”

”In Hell you … the other you … he told me that I always forget about the little people, meaning you among others.”

Ianto swallowed and stepped closer again. ”Well, I don’t think that way about you.”

”You cheated on me, in Hell.”

Ianto crouched down and entwined his fingers with Jack’s. ”To get back at you?”

Jack nodded.

”Right,“ Ianto whispered. “You know it’s not real, do you? Nothing there was real.”

Yanking his hand away, Jack snapped, “I know that.“ He got up and stalked past Ianto. ”But you … the other you … he was right. I forget about the little people, I forget about you and you just let me. You let me walk all over you.” He turned to Ianto who had straightened again and stared at him sadly. Jack continued,”I always thought we had this good thing going, that you'd protect yourself, but now I see that when it comes to me, you’ve got no defenses.”

”Jack,” Ianto said calmly, ”you’re not making any sense.”

”We didn’t have a date yet. I promised you months ago and we never went. And you always forgive me. Constantly.“

Ianto sighed in frustration and carded a hand through his dark hair. “Those were just jokes, Jack. I didn’t mean anything by it.“

“You never let people do anything to hurt you, not without a fight, but you let me … you let me hurt you, disrespect you …” Jack trailed off and crossed his arms, ducking his head.

”It got into your head,” Ianto said after a moment of silence. ”Didn’t it?” He breathed out and put one hand on his hip. ”Right, now you listen to me carefully. You were right about one thing. I don’t let people treat me like I don’t matter. Not anymore. And there are no exceptions to that rule. Not even for the person who made me lay it down in the first place.” Jack looked at Ianto, who nodded. ”And yes, emotions sometimes tend to get in the way of what I should be doing. Sometimes they blind me to things but … Jack, one thing should be very clear and that is that I won’t let even you treat me badly. And … I don’t care about dates or you flirting with others or you needing your space sometimes, because there’s enough about me that you don’t care about. There’s not a lot you can do to truly hurt me. You know what it’ll take and there’s no doubt in my mind that you would rather tell me if you wanted out of this. You may be many things but you’re not a cheater, Jack.” Ianto smiled. ”And you certainly care about the little people, Jack. You care about pretty much everyone. It’s in your nature.“ His face became serious and he grabbed Jack's hands. ”It’s important that you trust me on this. I need you to be able to trust me and I need you to know that your life is valuable.” He brushed his hands through Jack’s hair, cupping his face. ”I know you don’t think so, but it is.”

Jack stared into Ianto's eyes. ”I always get up again.”

”You don’t deserve the pain dying brings you. You’re immortal, that doesn’t mean you should forget how to live. The opposite’s the case. Being immortal should be about living.” He swallowed. ”You don’t deserve bad things happening to you, Jack. You are not a sinner.”

Jack smiled sadly. ”I’m not a saint, either.”

”Well, that’s for sure,” Ianto replied, rolling his eyes. He kissed Jack firmly, letting his lips linger. ”Jack,” he said softly, ”I’m happy. Life’s good to me at the moment. There’s no need to chase ghosts.”

Jack stared at him, looking for a hint of a lie in Ianto's eyes, but Ianto just put his arms around Jack's neck and smiled. Jack put his hands on Ianto's hips. ”You won’t let me hurt you.”

”If you don't forget to stay alive,” Ianto answered and pecked Jack’s lips.


END
12/12

Forgot To Forget
Lyrics 'Verse Masterlist

Icon created by trexaur

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
withywindle01
Jan. 3rd, 2013 05:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, this was good. In the Shadows is my favorite of the TW books, and this was a lovely coda to it.
jolinarjackson
Jan. 4th, 2013 04:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you. It's one of my favourites too. :)
too_beauty
Jan. 3rd, 2013 09:29 pm (UTC)
that was just perfect!
jolinarjackson
Jan. 4th, 2013 04:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)
fide_et_spe
Jan. 3rd, 2013 10:27 pm (UTC)
Lovely, I think I'm now gonna listen to In The Shadows again.
jolinarjackson
Jan. 4th, 2013 04:32 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)
pharlap1
Jan. 3rd, 2013 11:32 pm (UTC)
loved it
jolinarjackson
Jan. 4th, 2013 04:32 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)
badly_knitted
Jan. 4th, 2013 06:35 pm (UTC)
Love it! This is the Ianto I believe in - strong and capable, and nobody's fool. He can take care of himself and he has no problem saying 'no', even to Jack. But he's also more than capable of taking care of Jack. Jack can be fragile, his immortality weighs so heavily on him, but Ianto always knows how to pick up the pieces and put Jack together again.
jolinarjackson
Jan. 5th, 2013 11:34 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
sammydragoncat
Jan. 4th, 2013 11:44 pm (UTC)
Loved it
jolinarjackson
Jan. 5th, 2013 11:35 am (UTC)
Thanks. :)
itsmeyousee
Jan. 5th, 2013 03:08 am (UTC)
Exactly what Badly knitted said LOL

But to add to it cause i love when Into The Shadows is set at the end they are off and find Adam and as we know Ianto belief in Jack is returned by Jack in Adam. They fixed each other through real trust and no matter what it always comes back to that with them
jolinarjackson
Jan. 5th, 2013 11:38 am (UTC)
That's what I love about it as well! I even wrote a story once connecting the two events, 'cause the stories seem connected. It's basically everything it comes down to between those two. There are so many examples for that throughout the series and the books and audio plays.
itsmeyousee
Jan. 6th, 2013 04:01 am (UTC)
Sorry i know i've read all your stories but for some reason can't remember that one, all i can remember is the one with Adam being with Ianto and Jack locked up, can you give me the name ?

It's a real theme with them "trust" and lots happens that can break it but it never does. I suppose you could say that about all of them except i can't imagine any other character willing going to hell to save Jack based on faith and trust and the same if roles were reversed
jolinarjackson
Jan. 6th, 2013 09:48 am (UTC)
The one you mean is Made To Be Broken, isn't it? See, even I don't quite know all the stories I wrote anymore. :D

The one I mean is Blurred Lines.
itsmeyousee
Jan. 7th, 2013 03:47 am (UTC)
Thank You , i have read Blurred Lines before as soon as i started i remembered it.

That was of the many interesting things about Into The Shadows Ianto being with other guys was Jacks hell, yet Jack is supposed to be free to cheat, just not Ianto knowing. I thought you captured Jack's fight within himself about his dependency on Ianto very well
triquetralin
Jan. 6th, 2013 03:39 pm (UTC)
Really lovely. Very beautiful, and Ianto exactly how I prefer him :-)

For the record, I'm still only getting notifications for your f-locked posts, so I almost missed this one :-(
jolinarjackson
Jan. 7th, 2013 02:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
Strange ... what should we do about it? Something wrong in the Settings?
triquetralin
Jan. 9th, 2013 10:26 pm (UTC)
That is an exceptionally good question. I've tried un-tracking and re-tracking your posts, and tracking posts with some of your tags, but nothing seems to work. I take it it's just me?

Now that I know I'll keep a closer eye on your LJ and/or my friends page, but it's still bloody annoying (and I obviously don't know if I missing other people's posts as well)!
jolinarjackson
Jan. 10th, 2013 02:25 pm (UTC)
I'm going to de-friend you. You do the same and then friend me again and I'll friend you again as well. Maybe we need a new start. :)
triquetralin
Jan. 10th, 2013 07:13 pm (UTC)
Done and done (good idea)!

:-)

Oh, and I'll let you know if it works, obviously.

Edited at 2013-01-10 07:14 pm (UTC)
eldarwannabe
Jan. 9th, 2013 06:32 am (UTC)
I love fics that work around the expanded universe stuff and this was great. ♥

I think my favorite part was Jack picturing Ianto's muttered "Fuck." Because making that a character mannerism instead of just a one-time thing is delightful.
jolinarjackson
Jan. 9th, 2013 02:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
That was really a spur-of-the-moment idea. I could see Ianto do that so I wrote it.
bryddyd
Jan. 9th, 2013 10:26 am (UTC)
Just read it after several days without my computer... and loved it, as always. You wrote the Ianto and Jack I imagine. Well done!
jolinarjackson
Jan. 9th, 2013 02:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )