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You'll Be The Death Of Me

Series: Lyrics 'Verse
Word Count: ~ 900
Summary: Jack ducked his head and whispered, ”It started.” For a moment, it was quiet, then Ianto's fingers squeezed his and he asked softly, ”What did?” - ”Losing you. All of you.”
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler: Reset
Setting: after Reset
Warnings: mentions Canon Character Death
Beta: larsinger29 did the English version and pechfeder the German version. Thank you!
Disclaimer: I’m not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show Torchwood and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.
The lyrics belong to Broken Iris.

Lyrics 'Verse Masterlist
A Broken Heart That's Still Beating


I'm waiting to be broken inside
Losing my mind
Gasping for life
Crashing through times
That drive me to find the darkness behind
Will never run dry but all still stand
Until the end of me
I swear
You'll be the death of me
(Broken Inside by Broken Iris)

They must have come back to the Hub somehow.

Jack barely remembered. It was like flashes of images. He just knew that he'd taken charge and was once again amazed at his own capability to grow cold and distant – a capability he hated about himself, but one that he could do nothing against. It was like hitting a switch and on went the ice-cold bastard within him, giving orders and distancing himself from those he needed the most, those who needed him.

He couldn't get the image out of his head. Owen lying on the wet tarmac, dead, blood pooling and mixing with the rain.

He shivered and pressed his back harder against the cold wall, staring straight ahead, listening.

The Hub was so very quiet. The others were there, he knew, somewhere down there on the main floor or maybe in the boardroom, shocked into silence or whispers. About Jack, about Owen, about this whole mess. He should be with them, he knew, but he couldn't. He needed this time to himself to try and gain back some warmth, to become the caring leader they deserved right now.

But it was hard. Even up here, near Myfanwy's nest. Heights usually gave him confidence and calm … not now. Maybe he wasn't far enough away from the ground. Maybe he needed to get higher, but leaving the Hub ... it would feel like abandoning them … abandoning Owen.


Surprised, he looked up and at Ianto, standing a few steps away on the catwalk leading to Myfanwy's nest, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders pulled up. He looked tired.

”Hey,” he answered.

”Mind if I join you?”

Jack knew he should mind. Knew he was better left alone in this state. But somehow, he found the thought of Ianto being with him surprisingly appealing and comforting. Maybe because he was so quiet when he needed to be – not asking questions, not looking for comfort Jack couldn't give, just being with him, existing with him. So he answered, ”No.”

Ianto leaned back against the wall next to him, their shoulders, arms and hips touching. Jack glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Ianto was staring straight ahead, mimicking what Jack had done just a minute ago. Jack took his hand, intertwining their fingers. Ianto's skin was warm. Jack pulled his hand closer, cradling it between both of his, seeking that warmth and trying to absorb it. ”Owen is dead.” It was so obvious and yet, he was saying the words for the first time.

Ianto looked at him. ”Yes.” His voice sounded hoarse, as if he'd been screaming for a long time.

Jack ducked his head and whispered, ”It's started.”

For a moment, it was quiet, then Ianto's fingers squeezed his and he asked softly, ”What did?”

”Losing you. All of you.” Jack took a deep breath and his voice sounded stronger when he explained, ”It starts with one person and then comes the next and the next until ...” He swallowed, his voice losing its strength. ”Until nobody's left.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, gripping Ianto's hand tighter. ”One of you dying means that the others will as well.”

For a very long moment, Ianto didn't say anything, then he shifted, the suit rustling softly in the quiet, and Jack felt Ianto's lips on his cheek. ”There's nothing I can say to make that better.”

Jack looked at him and then he pulled him closer, pulling him into an embrace. He buried his nose in Ianto's neck and breathed in, his arms painfully tight around Ianto's chest and hips. He was so cold but Ianto was warm, alive, breathing. This time, it hadn't been Ianto to die. This time it had been someone else. And Jack was so ashamed to feel just that bit glad about it. It had been different with the space whale, when everyone had walked away more or less intact and Jack had been in the right to feel relieved and happy. This time, he felt bad for it. Because Ianto was alive, yes ... but Owen was dead.

Owen was dead.

Jack pushed Ianto away a bit and kissed him. It was just a friendly kiss, on the lips, but he made it linger, made it sweet and tender. Made it matter. ”I'll lose you,” he said brokenly.

Ianto nodded and his hands cupped Jack's face. ”But not today. Not this week.”

”You can't promise that.”

”Watch me.”

Jack took a deep breath. Shook his head. ”No. I'll fix this.”


”I don't know.” He'd tried to find a way for the last half an hour, thinking about everything they had at their disposal, dismissing it and then thinking again.

Ianto's face was earnest and sad when he replied, ”Jack … Owen is dead. You can't … just fix this. I know you want to and it would be great if you could but … you can't.”

Jack stared at him, saw his concern and grief and sadness and nobody on his team should ever look like that. It was his duty to chase those feelings away, to make it better. So there was only one answer he could give right now.

”Watch me.”


How Endlessly You Fall
Lyrics 'Verse Masterlist


Aug. 20th, 2013 05:11 pm (UTC)
Oh, Jack--you should listen to Ianto, not just take comfort from him! But then, he wouldn't be Jack if he didn't just keep trying to do the impossible.

You've done a lovely job portraying Jack's state of mind here. I can really see it happening this way. :)
Aug. 21st, 2013 08:16 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)